As a homeschool mom, it’s easy to feel like you’re always behind. The laundry pile is taller than your patience, somebody’s math lesson is always incomplete, or one of the other homeschool families seems to have it all together, expecting her five kids to finish a living book in a month while your daughter is still fixated on the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. Or maybe you hear the words you tell yourself, “Did we do enough this year? What will the learning consultant say?” If this sounds familiar, you’re living in what Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy call the GAP—and this is exactly why the Gap and Gain Mindset for Homeschool Moms can be so transformative.
The Gap & Gain has been an informal book discussion in our Confident Homeschool Mom Collective. It isn’t a book we chose last year, and it’s not one we’re reading this upcoming season—but it surely will be!
If you want to hear what books WILL be in this upcoming season of the Homeschool Mama Book Club, stick around when I share that at the end of this post.
How the Gap and Gain Mindset for Homeschool Moms Helps
If you’re looking to break free from external comparison or constant internal pressure, adopting the Gap and Gain mindset for homeschool moms can completely shift how you see your life and transform your motivation.
Why I Chose This Book
I think this book chose me. I thought it was a business book—my husband had it in his book stack, and I’m always eager to expand my reading beyond my favourite genres: self-help, memoir, writing books, education, and business.
So I dipped my toes in, expecting a business book… and didn’t quite get that. While the concepts are as applicable for a homeschool mom as they are for building a coaching business—or supporting others to build one—this book keeps showing up in discussions with homeschool moms in real life, in my coaching practice, and with women in the Homeschool Mama Business Builder’s group.
In a nutshell, Samuel Thomas Davies, paraphrasing Hardy:
“You’re in the GAP every time you measure yourself or your situation against an ideal. And while ideals are meant to provide direction, motivation, and meaning to our lives, they are not the measuring stick.”
In contrast, the GAIN is about measuring yourself backward, against where you were before. It’s about noticing genuine progress, celebrating growth, and finding gratitude in the life you actually live—not a Pinterest-perfect or social-media-filtered version of it. It’s about being present to your homeschool mom life and truly enjoying it.
1. Embrace the Freedom of “Wants” with the Gap and Gain Mindset for Homeschool Moms
The GAP often comes from an unhealthy attachment to something outside yourself—a “need” you think will bring happiness. When you’re in the GAP, you’re avoiding “here” while chasing “there.”
In the GAIN, you act from intrinsic motivation. You pursue what you want without needing it to define your worth. You can commit fully to homeschooling, relationships, or personal growth without being trapped by unhealthy attachments.
Journaling prompts:
- Where in your life do you feel obsessive passion or compulsion? What internal need are you trying to fill?
- What parts of homeschooling or motherhood do you truly love?
- How would your priorities shift if you were playing the long game and slowing down to enjoy being “here”?
2. Be Self-Determined
External comparisons—social media, other homeschool families, or the “ideal mom” image—keep us trapped in the GAP. They don’t feel good, and they rarely motivate real growth; they often create shame. According to Brené Brown, shame makes us feel unworthy and disconnected, driving us to hide, withdraw, or act defensively instead of showing up authentically.
The GAIN comes from making yourself your own reference point. When you define success for yourself, you free your happiness and performance from others’ opinions. Your life, your family, your choices—your reference point is internal.
Journaling prompts:
- Who or what are your current reference points? Are they external or internal?
- How often do you compare yourself to others?
- What small filter can you use to evaluate each decision (“Will this move the boat forward?”) and how can you apply it today?
3. The Compound Effect of the GAP or GAIN Mindset for Homeschool Moms
Being in the GAP compounds negativity; being in the GAIN compounds progress. Using the language of the GAP and GAIN with yourself and loved ones creates accountability and awareness.
Practices to reinforce the GAIN:
- Call yourself out when you’re in the GAP, then immediately find the GAIN. Journal it and plan a timeline for practicing this new mindset.
- Share the GAP/Gain framework with two people you trust and give them permission to call you out.
- Help others notice their own gains by asking about recent progress and celebrating it.
- In difficult moments, ask: “What is the GAIN in this?”
Reflection prompts:
- When have you fallen into the GAP due to “wanting” versus “needing”?
- How has gratitude transformed a GAP situation into a GAIN for you?
4. Always Measure Backward
It’s easy to forget how far you’ve come because our memories are reconstructed in the present. Measuring backward reminds you of the massive gains you’ve made—often even in just 90 days.
Journaling prompts:
- What are your wins from the past 90 days?
- Where do you want to be in the next 90 days, 12 months, or 3 years?
- How has your homeschooling, emotional regulation, self-awareness, and relationships grown in this time?
- If you’re a business-building homeschool mom, what have you accomplished despite the busyness of your working homeschool mom life?
5. Measure 3 Daily Wins
How you end your day matters. Reflecting before bed can shape tomorrow’s motivation and mindset.
Practice:
- Write down three wins from today.
- Write down the three biggest wins you hope to achieve tomorrow.
- Keep it small, daily, and consistent.
- Pair with a trusted accountability partner if possible.
6. Practice Thinking in the GAIN
Being in the GAIN is not just about seeing the bright side—it’s about determining the meaning of your experiences.
Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor, developed logotherapy—a form of existential psychotherapy emphasizing finding meaning in life even amid suffering. His experiences in Nazi concentration camps demonstrated that while we cannot always control our circumstances, we can choose our attitude and assign meaning to them, a philosophy he shared in his influential book Man’s Search for Meaning, which has inspired millions.
Frankl says:
“Everything can be taken from [someone] but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
You embrace the lessons of the past and choose the meaning you assign to them, using that perspective to guide and shape your future.
Journaling prompts:
- Reflect on a positive or negative experience.
- Ask: What worked and what can you learn? What do I not want to repeat.
- And what about this experience am I grateful for?
Mental Subtraction Visualization: Seeing Your Gains as a Homeschool Mom
Now that we’ve explored how to choose the meaning in our experiences, let’s bring this into a practical exercise. One of the most powerful ways to make the GAIN tangible in your homeschool mom life is through a mental subtraction visualization. This practice shifts you out of the overwhelm of “never enough” and helps you fully notice and appreciate your progress—not just in homeschooling, but in relationships, emotional growth, boundaries, trauma healing, ADHD management, and personal development. Adopting the Gap and Gain mindset for homeschool moms makes it possible to see how far you’ve truly come and to feel grounded, grateful, and encouraged right where you are.
Visualization exercise:
- Settle into your body and relax.
- Picture your homeschooling life, relationships, emotional growth, boundaries, trauma healing, ADHD awareness, and self-identity.
- Mentally subtract these gains—imagine them missing. Notice the feelings that arise.
- Return each gain to your mental picture, letting gratitude and awareness fill the space.
- Anchor the practice with:
“I have grown. I am learning. I am enough. My life, my work, and my relationships matter.”
This visualization helps you see not just daily homeschooling wins, but the full scope of your growth as a mother, partner, and person.
A Homeschool Mom’s FLOW Workbook to Find Your Way Back to You
A printable 10-page guided journal designed to help homeschool moms reset, reflect, and realign with what matters most — using the proven FLOW framework.
Why This Matters
Adopting the Gap and Gain mindset for homeschool moms isn’t just a thought exercise—it’s a way to shift how you see yourself, your family, and your life. When you live in the GAIN, you:
- Notice and celebrate real progress, big and small.
- Cultivate gratitude, resilience, and motivation.
- Honor your emotions, relationships, boundaries, healing, ADHD awareness, and identity.
- Live self-determined and fully present, instead of constantly chasing “there” while avoiding “here.”
Imagine what your homeschooling days could feel like if you recognized the growth you’ve already made, embraced the lessons of the past, and took intentional steps forward without judgment. This is the freedom, clarity, and joy that the Gap and Gain mindset for homeschool moms brings.
If you’re ready to take it further, join the Homeschool Mama Book Club, where we dive into books that inspire and empower homeschool moms just like you.
Sign up for the Book Club Newsletter for the Homeschool Mom.
Let’s step fully into the GAIN—together.
And for a deeper reset, consider joining me for an Aligned Homeschool Reset session, where we’ll clarify your priorities, celebrate your gains, and set you up for a confident, joyful homeschool year.
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Teresa Wiedrick
I help overwhelmed homeschool mamas shed what’s not working in their homeschool & life, so they can show up authentically, purposefully, and confidently in their homeschool & life.
